Things I Want My Daughter To Know: Old Man Eyebrows

They just happen.

I don’t know the real term for old man eyebrows, but they are very real. They’re easy to spot, it looks like two caterpillars on a bad hair day moved in to where a man’s eyebrows should be.

One day a man wakes up, looks at himself in the mirror and realizes his eyebrows have a permanent case of bed head. So I’ve heard.

The travesty in all of this is there is only one thing a man can do to tame those badger bristles: eyebrow waxing. Most men, however, just go about their lives content in knowing their eyebrows look like a spent toothbrush. Waxing, you see, is not manly.

Eyebrow waxing would require a man to go to a salon, rather than a barbershop, and allow a lady to smear hot wax on his eyebrows, then yank the wax off after it has cooled. This hurts! No, they’ll fly their old man eyebrows with pride, thank you.

What I want you know is that you should be kind to these men. They can’t help it. They had no say in what their eyebrows decided to do one evening while they comfortably slept.

You would, however, be a hero if you developed some type of special ionizing comb that cured us them of this ailment once and for all.